A guest blog post from Jen Kilgo

Does this sound familiar?

After an extremely busy day, you collapse into bed.

But despite being exhausted, your mind won’t let you sleep. Soon you find yourself tossing and turning, with these familiar thoughts on repeat:

“Could I have worded that email better?”

“Did I say too much in that meeting – or too little?

“I feel like no matter how much I do, I’m still failing at all of it…”

“Am I doing enough to support my team? My kids? My partner?”

“What if someone figures out that I don’t really know what I’m doing?”

It’s normal to have thoughts like this during stressful times. 

But I’m curious…Have you had them for years?

If so, you’re in good company. And there’s nothing wrong with you.

These thoughts are common to high-achieving women: women who are smart, empathic, and goal-oriented. They’re hard workers with full lives – leading teams, raising children, and crushing it at work – while also supporting their families, friends, and community.

Being empathic and goal-oriented are superpower traits that help women build their success. But these same qualities can also contribute to burnout.

How exactly does that happen?

Empathy becomes taking on too much, too often. 

A strong work ethic becomes perfectionism and self-criticism. 

Compassion becomes over-responsibility for projects, people, and outcomes.  

A desire to support becomes a lack of boundaries and self-care.

Compounded over time, these experiences contribute to burnout – which is different from stress. 

Stress is the body’s natural response to a short-term demanding situation, like giving a big presentation at work. Stress gives us a quick cortisol boost that activates our willpower and helps us get a lot done quickly.

Burnout is longer-term, chronic stress that alters our nervous system’s ability to calm and regulate itself. It drains us of our willpower and makes us feel depleted, lacking enthusiasm and motivation. And for women especially, it often comes with a feeling of guilt.

Stress dissipates with some rest. Healing from burnout, however, takes time and intention.

Many factors contribute to the burnout epidemic in this country: racial and gender inequality; corporate cultures that value productivity over health; the fact that many women work in male-dominated fields that weren’t built by them, or for them. 

As we work to change these systems, self-love is crucial. Because we can change our job, our partner, or our zip code…but unless we heal the most important relationship of our lives – the one we have with ourselves – we risk burning out anywhere we go. 

If you think that this may apply to you, here are a few resources you can turn to:

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski, PhD and Amelia Nagoski, DMA. This brilliant book explains exactly what is happening in the body in the burnout cycle, and gives practical tools to address it.

If you’re more of a podcast listener, Brené Brown, PhD discusses the above book (and burnout in general) with the authors on her Unlocking Us podcast.

For more on burnout and personal coaching resources to support, you can learn more about me at https://jenkilgo.com/ , or book a consultation call here.